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He's not sure how it begins -- or how it ends, for that matter.
All he knows is that, one minute, he and Noct are sitting on the front steps of the palace, wasting time before Noct has to go in and meet with his father. The next, he's being dragged up off the stairs by one of the Crownsguard (or is it Kingsglaive; he's never understood the difference) and pulled in one direction. Another one of them pulls Noct in the other, and then all at once, something explodes far too close. His ears ring from the impact but he still catches snatches of conversation around him as a dozen more of the King's guard flood the space between him and Noct. Someone drops the words Niffs and daemons and they hit him as hard and hot as the fire burning, now, in the corners of his vision. He catches sight of a silver face, grinning horribly, eyes red and empty before he's dragged into a building and told to wait. He gets his feet taken out from him, a muttered sorry, kid, adults only and a door slammed in his face when he tries to protest, to ask what's going on.
By the time they come and find him, he's entertained a dozen waking nightmares about what might have happened to Noct. By the time they come, he's followed a dozen more about what happens when someone figures out his secret, or what might have happened, if he'd actually grown up in Niflheim. By the time they come, he's sure he won't be able to look at himself in a mirror for a week. If Noct is hurt and he couldn't stop it. (Coward.) He's one of them. (Traitor.) He could have been one of them. (Monster.) By the time they come, he heads straight home, hates himself more for it, and adds another two bracelets to the multitude he's started wearing recently in place of his old sweatband to cover the barcode on his wrist, just in case. He doesn't sleep that night.
School is cancelled the next day, and while normally he'd be jumping for joy, it only serves to wind him up further, now. It takes him longer than he'd like to find out whether or not Noct is okay without the royal rumor mill that are his peers. It takes a little longer than that to decide that, even if he can't bear to face Noct, right now, he needs to do something. He needs to be better prepared, next time, and there will always be a next time, considering the war and who Noct is. He needs to prove he's just as good, just as loyal as any other Crown Citizen, if only to himself. He needs to be able to live with himself, look at himself, and he knows just how to do it. He thinks. If he can find what he needs.
That in mind and resolved, now, he sneaks into the palace using one of his and Noct's favorite routes from when he still lived there, and -- ends up wandering around the palace aimlessly for awhile, albeit not by choice, when he realizes he's not really sure how to get where he's going. Thankfully, eventually, someone finds him before he changes his mind and he stumbles through a conversation concerning you know, the big guy. He can't remember his name. Just that he was, well, big. And scared the shit out of him, after exams, last year. And is Noct's bodyguard or trainer or something. And he apologizes about a dozen times as he practically all but runs away, in the direction he was pointed, as all of that actually comes out of his mouth.
He hasn't quite swallowed that shame by the time he sticks his head into what appears to be a training room but he puts on a brave face, anyway.
"Uh, hello?"
All he knows is that, one minute, he and Noct are sitting on the front steps of the palace, wasting time before Noct has to go in and meet with his father. The next, he's being dragged up off the stairs by one of the Crownsguard (or is it Kingsglaive; he's never understood the difference) and pulled in one direction. Another one of them pulls Noct in the other, and then all at once, something explodes far too close. His ears ring from the impact but he still catches snatches of conversation around him as a dozen more of the King's guard flood the space between him and Noct. Someone drops the words Niffs and daemons and they hit him as hard and hot as the fire burning, now, in the corners of his vision. He catches sight of a silver face, grinning horribly, eyes red and empty before he's dragged into a building and told to wait. He gets his feet taken out from him, a muttered sorry, kid, adults only and a door slammed in his face when he tries to protest, to ask what's going on.
By the time they come and find him, he's entertained a dozen waking nightmares about what might have happened to Noct. By the time they come, he's followed a dozen more about what happens when someone figures out his secret, or what might have happened, if he'd actually grown up in Niflheim. By the time they come, he's sure he won't be able to look at himself in a mirror for a week. If Noct is hurt and he couldn't stop it. (Coward.) He's one of them. (Traitor.) He could have been one of them. (Monster.) By the time they come, he heads straight home, hates himself more for it, and adds another two bracelets to the multitude he's started wearing recently in place of his old sweatband to cover the barcode on his wrist, just in case. He doesn't sleep that night.
School is cancelled the next day, and while normally he'd be jumping for joy, it only serves to wind him up further, now. It takes him longer than he'd like to find out whether or not Noct is okay without the royal rumor mill that are his peers. It takes a little longer than that to decide that, even if he can't bear to face Noct, right now, he needs to do something. He needs to be better prepared, next time, and there will always be a next time, considering the war and who Noct is. He needs to prove he's just as good, just as loyal as any other Crown Citizen, if only to himself. He needs to be able to live with himself, look at himself, and he knows just how to do it. He thinks. If he can find what he needs.
That in mind and resolved, now, he sneaks into the palace using one of his and Noct's favorite routes from when he still lived there, and -- ends up wandering around the palace aimlessly for awhile, albeit not by choice, when he realizes he's not really sure how to get where he's going. Thankfully, eventually, someone finds him before he changes his mind and he stumbles through a conversation concerning you know, the big guy. He can't remember his name. Just that he was, well, big. And scared the shit out of him, after exams, last year. And is Noct's bodyguard or trainer or something. And he apologizes about a dozen times as he practically all but runs away, in the direction he was pointed, as all of that actually comes out of his mouth.
He hasn't quite swallowed that shame by the time he sticks his head into what appears to be a training room but he puts on a brave face, anyway.
"Uh, hello?"
